


Addiction

by Sandrine Shaw (Sandrine)



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/M, Ficlet, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Post-Season/Series 06A, References to Drugs, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 08:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4998259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandrine/pseuds/Sandrine%20Shaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm Spencer and I'm an addict," she says, and she meets Dean's eyes across the room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addiction

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the drabble meme on LiveJournal, for bm_shipper who gave me the prompt, "Just once.”

 

A is gone and things should be different. It should be easier. No more threatening texts, no more stalkers in black hoodies, no more secrets, no more lies, no urge to pop a pill or ten to help you get some sleep at night.

Spencer goes back to the meetings because it frightens her that she can't break the cycle, that the addiction still has its ugly, sharp claws deep inside her even now when she doesn't have an excuse anymore, when her life has returned to something resembling normalcy.

"I'm Spencer and I'm an addict," she says, and she meets Dean's eyes across the room.

When the meeting is over, he walks up to her at the table with the coffee and the cookies. She hands him one and he takes it hesitantly, pulling back quickly when their fingers brush against one another by accident. "You should have found a different group," Dean says. 

"I didn't know you were here," Spencer lies. She almost believes it herself, that she didn't specifically choose this place because she hoped to run into him, didn't want to see him so badly that she was shaking when she walked through the door, didn't spend an hour at home in front of the mirror, trying on outfits like it was a date rather than an AA meeting. 

"Really." Dean's wry smile calls her on her lie. He's always been good at cutting through her bullshit.

She shrugs and forces herself not to avert her eyes.

When he walks her to her car across the dimly lit, deserted parking space, she finds herself wanting to hold his hand. His confession that night at the barn still rings in her head, _"I need to stop seeing you because every time you're near me I just wanna grab you and kiss you,"_ and she knows it's unfair to just force herself back into his life when nothing has changed, when Toby's still waiting for her at home with supportive questions about the meeting and pep talks she's growing sick of hearing.

Dean's arm brushes against hers as they walk, sending a jolt through her body. "Are you alright? You seem quiet."

"Sure. I just —" 

_I don't want to be this person,_ she thinks. _I don't want to be an addict and a cheater and a liar and someone who toys with people's feelings._ She doesn't say any of that, can't make herself lay her weaknesses and flaws, the ugliest parts of her, out in the open like that. 

"I'm just happy to see you," she says instead, and that at least is the truth. "I hated how we left things."

"Spencer —"

She doesn't let him brush her off, rushing the words out of her mouth because she feels like if she stops now, she'll keep them in forever and regret it for the rest of her life. "What you said that night— At the barn. Do you still feel that way?"

Dean closes his eyes and turns away and she hates herself for putting him on the spot like this. And still, she can't make herself stop. "Do you?"

There's a flash of anger on his face, clearly visible even in the pale light of the sole street lamp. "You know I do. That's why I didn't want to see you. Do you know how long I didn't go to the meetings just because I was trying to avoid you? But it was getting harder and harder to keep sober, so I went back, and it turns out you weren't even there. And then suddenly you turn up again, waltzing in there like it doesn't mean anything to you, like you don't know what it does to me and I —"

His words feel like a million tiny daggers piercing her heart, like volleys of accusations she doesn't want to hear. So she shuts him up. Closes the distance between them and stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips to his, firm and dry and more sure than she feels. And then his lips open underneath hers and they're kissing, frantically, desperately.

When they break apart, their joined breath fogging the cool air between them, he presses his forehead against hers and closes his eyes. 

"Let's do this. Just this once. No one will ever have to know," Spencer says, and Dean doesn't look at her when he nods, his expression one of defeat, like he wants to say no but just doesn't have the willpower. 

Spencer feels like the worst person in the world, but Dean's touch sets her on fire and when his hands cradle her cheek and he bends down to kiss her again, she briefly forgets how wrong her life turned out. Oblivion, sweeter than anything a drug could ever give her.

End


End file.
